Monday, March 14, 2011


This entry is written as a result of a relapse.

So if you are here to judge me and criticise my actions.

Buzz off!

This entry is for those who care and  sincerely want to know what goes on in the mind of a depressed woman who is undergoing relapse!

SO YOU! YES YOU. WOMEN! get lost!

[ music : Butterfingers - The Chemistry RTW1]
Nothing much can be done nowadays.
i am getting tired of being sick all the time.
I keep having this pain in my chest , head, shoulders and back.
Dizzy all the time!

My so called friends bailed out on me,
even though i trusted them and explained to them what my sickness is all about.
What did they do?

They throw it back at me with shit all over!

I am not trying to gain any sympathy or what ever crap.

I am trying to release my pain.

here in my personal blog!

Be smart and not used a personal blog as away for you to gain friends and ridicule me!

Stupid women!

This is far better than me cutting myself or inflict pain  in many different ways possible.

I need to channel out.

And this is my sanctuary.

I am in deep shit.

because i am in pain again and again.

When i close my eyes, images of pain and knives and death are right in front of me.

to be frank, the tsunami in Japan is making it worst.

That particular 25th december changed my perception on life.

and it is really crappy.

Takder Iman? GO AND FLY A KITE!

It is damn Fking difficult for me to wake up and go on with my life?

Iman? - Have you actually bought the kite?

I am not angry at anyone - just at myself.

I have 3-4 people in me.

Who tend to argue over almost everything.

Try having that for a change!

You conscience or 4 would be debating with you.

telling you what to do and what not to do.

Nothing much can be done when you are hearing voices in your head.

Then maybe you can get the glimpse of my life!

Basically none of my family members actually know of this relapse.

Simply because , I do not want to hurt them.

Even hubby ali is clueless about this.

I had to battle this stupid disease alone last weekend!

The only way to make me calm is to take XANAX!

People take it for them to sleep and they are not allowed to drive.

Me?, I take it to calm myself.

So that I would now jump off the balcony.

I talk to them [ these people in me ]

And i can hear them comforting each other.

Damn scary? pft!

No one knows.

And now you know.

What are you going to do with this bit of information?

Be responsible and keep it to yourself.

[ stupid small minded people did  that! - thinking that i am illiterate!]


Syawalludin said...

Nice.... yang menarik......


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