Sunday, March 20, 2022

Crying

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1PBHXYvNZL_zTvxj7mkS4fgi-59_Vtq8b

I’ve never woke up crying. Today it happened. I found myself crying when I opened my eyes. I dreamt that I was with my late father. My late father passed away in February 2018. My psychiatrist said I have not properly gone through the grieving stages. That is why I am kinda stuck. I know why. The morning my father passed away, I was crying. A relative sort of shouted at me and said stop crying! I stopped and did not cry for months after that. That is something you shouldn’t do, forcing people not to cry when he/she just lost someone. The damage is long term.

Friday, March 18, 2022

Alhamdulillah

It was an excruciating back pain. My legs were numb. My wasit was the worst. Shoulder blade was cramp. My whole body was experiencing muscle cramps. I cried alot. So we decided to get me a CT Scan. 

At first Dr M wanted three parts of my back to be scanned but due to radiations, I could only do two parts.

I was anxious as always. Did two CT Scars before for my migraine. It was not a great experience as it took such a long time. The sound of the CT Scan machine was so loud.
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1IHIhARSqsdSvWUAPwyvVutrfQgI4WO-N
Alhamdulillah , the CT Scan at Lifecare was practically soundless. It took about 45 minutes for both parts. But when I had to place my hands above my head, it was painful and my left arm went numb. My shoulder blade went stiff. 


We had lunch while waiting for the result.
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1-jbq1TyHpmfrG62UXxcqRcKjKz2iZnKD
Alhamdulillah , Dr M told me that it wasn’t slip disc. Mummy and I were so worried that it might be because the symptoms were there. But I do have Cronic Sinus and some of my backbones were smaller than normal. So I need to take some meds. 

I guess the muscle cramps are the side effects of Seroquel that I have been taking for years. Yes the side effects are still there. After the Covid-19 Booster shot, the cramps got worst.

I needed to ‘celebrate’ . So we went to Kinokuniya 🙈 
I asked Ejad if I can buy a book. Only one. He said ok. Then when I showed him the book that I wanted, he said he knew it would be that book.
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=11FAySU2E-TWomDojMbyNU-BtOiqDuTjD

Before this, Junji Ito’s Mangas were out of stock. I have been looking for No Longer Human for ages. It was available! But the price made me think many times. But Ejad being Ejad said “Buy it” So I went back happy with the book in hand. 


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