In pain and i can't do anything about it.

I am at home today. Trying not to cry cause i am in pain. My back hurts like hell. I took a few pain killers. i won't be surprise if those painkillers end up killing me instead. When a relative said - KAK CHIK NIH ADA AJA - then i realise, i must be a pain in the butt for being sick all the time. What should i do?. My migraine is less painful compared to my backaches - i hope u can imagine how much pain i am in. Women are known be stronger this way - i  mean, women give birth [ and i bet that is not a walk in the park ]..women have menstrual pains [ not a walk in the park either ]. The amount on jabs we endure in our life time is more then men - i think. Anyway, here i am in pain. A depressed person in pain - that is bad. We tend to think and rethink about all the things that are around us. When a depressed person does this, they will become depressed even more. We would start to think about all those people we disappoint - which makes us guilty and that is not good. When the guilt grows larger than life - we tend to have suicidal thoughts. Me being alone at home does not help the situation i am in. i feel sad and pathetic. I feel useless and abandoned. This is not good people. I am still reading  Jodi Picoult's House Rules - at least that book makes me realise that - i am not facing the worst in life, others are. But then i thought we should sometime think about ourself rather than think about others. Do you realise that proverbs , idioms and all contradict with each other? -

• Nobody is perfect VS practise makes perfect VS all work and no play make jack a dull boy.
• Early bird gets the worm vs Good things come to those who wait.
• You cannot teach old dogs new tricks vs It is never too late to learn.
• Birds of a feather flock together vs Opposites attract
• Clothes maketh the man vs Never judge a book by its cover.
• Many hands make light work Vs Too many cooks spoil the broth
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder vs Familiarity breeds contempt.

Hmmmm - life is so confusing - so why blame me for being so confused?

bargh!